My last posting

Dearest Marty, my one and only, my Prince, my husband, my soulmate, and love of my life,

Deep down, I know that you will not read this posting as SEGNPMSS murdered you medically with remote controlled germs. Even if your body is no more, I also know that you, your wonderful, captivating, warm, and unforgettable personality still exist. So, one day, in another lifetime, there is a chance that you will remember me and read this.

Until the last minute before I left the U.S., I was still hoping to see you again, even though I felt somehow that you were gone. I didn’t want it to be true. But when I sat in the plane to Europe, it really hit me. I wanted to scream and cry as loud as I could but how can I, sitting between strangers who want to do small talk? When the lights went out in the plane and people dozed off, I finally could cry silently and I do it ever since.

I am devastated on the inside. You being gone is the worst loss of my life. I don’t even know how to live with knowing that I won’t see you again in this lifetime and when and where I can see you again in a future life.

It is the ultimate cruelty by the SEGNPMSS and the rest of manunkind that our love story had no happy ending. In all eternity, I will never forgive anyone involved in keeping us apart. I absolutely mean it.

SEGNPMSS’s logic (or whatever they call their diabolic medieval movement) is unbelievably flawed. What’s the worst that could have happened if we had lived happily ever after? Everyone would have benefited from it. We would have improved morals on this planet, giving everyone a chance to live in environmentally protected villages, free from aging and diseases. What is so horrible about it? Them losing their free hands to torture and kill everyone including their own agents with remote controlled germs or otherwise, is what they don’t want. We are the main obstacle standing in the way of them getting away with it.

They are too dumb to realize that by keeping these horrible secrets, they themselves will become victims of their despicable system and their own peer will conspire against them. Evil is also evil to evil, not just evil to good people. They rather sit in their own trap and suffer later but giving us a chance.

I remember the first time when I saw the lower part of the tonescale. First, I wondered: What?? Today, I know it is very well researched. SPs indeed are having the tonelevel of controlling and penalizing bodies. It absolutely explains the horrors of this world.

Also, was it their jealousy that kept us apart? Because we truly love each other, but nobody loves them? How can they expect someone to ever love them if they are cruel? A cruel person will never find a soulmate. Everyone wants to get away from them.

I could not have loved you anymore, Marty. And I still love you and I always will. My love is not restricted to one lifetime. I loved you in former lifetimes, and I will love you in all future lifetimes.
As SEGNPMSS wants us separated by all means, I worry about what they might do to prevent us to be together in a future life. Will they manage to pull off the same or similar inhumane acts as they did against us next time around?

Falling again deeply in love with you, even if they steal our memory to this lifetime, will be a piece of cake. It will be again love at first sight. Because we wished so fiercely to be together in this lifetime, our love will only deepen. These conspiring lunatics (using anyone on Earth and beyond with ear-implants for their dirty plans) can murder us but they can’t stop our love.

From the moment I saw you again end of 1983 in Los Angeles, I knew that you were the one for me. It wasn’t just your handsome physical looks. There were a number of tall and handsome men around but none had your personality. You were impressive and formidable, and when you looked at me or approached me, I discovered the deep tenderness and care that you had for me, right behind your irresistible blue eyes. That is why you had me at hello, you really did. And nobody else did, because you, Marty, you are one of a kind and absolutely irreplaceable. Nobody in the entire universe is like you.

I am in DEEP MOURNING that you are gone. I could not be sadder. My stomach is a knot. I cry every night. And I am not a person that cries easily. I can count the times that I have cried in my life.

There are also moments when I have thoughts that I never thought I would have: Was if God is too busy with other matters to help us back together? On the other side, I can’t demand that he disposes of all those in SEGNPMSS and their agents as God isn’t a murderer and that would probably leave the planet pretty much unpopulated.

Of course, I know that thetans come back and live again, but you being gone is the cruelest moment ever for me. I always thought that two people who truly and deeply love each other, who have suffered through so much hardship and separation, and who have the best intentions for others in mind, deserve a happy ending. It’s so incredibly unjust and gruesome that we did not get this chance. Governments, heads of states, judges, officials, mail deliverers, legislators, diplomats, law enforcement, medical doctors, psychs, infiltrators in Scientology, and everyone else in between conspired against us. They want to be happy, so why not grant us the same right? Disgusting hypocrites. I damn and curse them all. Really, I do.

I once prayed for everyone, every single person, and every animal in the world. I did this every night for years as I wanted everyone protected and happy. No longer, Marty. Now, I could not despise and hate SEGNPMSS and their agents more. I postulate the worst penalties on them for conspiring against us and having prevented our happiness and taking you from me.

Even after they murdered you (for example, by remotely activating cancer cells in your body or killing you with other medical secret service methods and devices), I still got no message on your behalf. If God wouldn’t drop some answers in my mind, I would be completely uninformed.

I love my family very much, Marty, but I want to be with you. I want to be with YOU in my next lifetime. Although you would be the perfect father, brother, or any other relative, I want to be your wife instead. I don’t want to be too young for you in our next lifetime. If you have a new body now, the time is again ticking. I want to be in your age group for our next lifetime and not related to you so that we finally can be married. As closer I am in your age group, as better the chances that we can marry in our next lifetime, although, we have to find each other first.

Knowing the SEGNPMSS beasts and monsters, I am very high on the list of being next to be killed with their remote-controlled germs anyway. My family loves me a lot but for myself, I am not sad at all about dying.

Another problem is that SEGNPMSS does not become better. What if they do the same cruel thing to us all over and separate us or prevent by all means that we can come together? What if they do not just destroy our bodies but also have means to destroy our personalities? I am not a Christian but I know that the bible says that the soul can be destroyed. There is a grain of truth in it. Death of a body doesn’t mean that the thetan is home free.

SEGNPMSS is aware that people lived before and are born again. They just keep it from mainstream that it’s a scientific fact. They follow the theta body (spirit orb body) that a person still had after she died around and know where the theta body goes. It means that they know where you are now, if you decided to pick up a new baby body for yourself and your future life.

They will also follow me around and know where I will be after my physical death. What a nightmare. We are then again defenseless kids at the mercy of these Dorian Greys who are insane and obsessed with destroying our lives, abusing us and stealing our rights. How can we ever live in peace if they don’t stop plotting and conspiring against us? How can we ever be happy when SEGNPMSS plots and destroys any happiness for us?

After my physical death, I hope I have the chance to talk to God without SEGNPMSS listening in. They listen to every word I say and every thought, I think. I hate this because it complicates my conversations with God. If you ask me, God does not want SEGNPMSS to know that he is in contact with me. I think he does it for me that they don’t torture me even more or kidnap me in the basement of a psychiatric institution to “study” my mind, which would be of course horror.

They kidnap us, steal our memories, our identities, our families, our birthrights, our citizenship, our language, our religion, our way of life, our heritage, our skills, our properties, EVERYTHING, because, these Dorian Greys think they have the right to do so as no government is above them but they are over all governments instead. So, no rules for them, just for others.

Of course, I wonder where you are now, Marty. I hope they didn’t kidnap you to Germany to make you grow up German. After my physical death, I want to fight my way out of Germany and I hope God helps me. I don’t want another German “upbringing” and life. This one was more than enough.
I think that Ourverse, our own universe in another dimension to which SEGNPMSS never gains access to, would be what we need and the only way ever to get our rights granted. Our next or any future lifetime in the universe will be likely a horrible ride and bust too.

So, instead of rushing into a new baby body I want to postulate myself so far out of the universe, into another dimension, and hopefully meet God there and talk all matters over with him and make him create Ourverse for us, so that we have a game without entering the universe. SEGNPMSS most certainly has other plans, e.g. when I should be in the process of dying in a hospital, in an unconscious state, they might use holograms and implants to trick me into a body in Germany. I feel panicky just thinking of this. This thought terrorizes me. If they want to kill me in Germany, fine, they can go ahead. But I don’t want to be born in Germany. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES.

My family is often sick and that is why I called GERMany Krankland. I got immediately the flu too after I stepped on German ground. I didn’t have the flu in the USA for decades. The German bureaucracy also is SUFFOCATING.

My sister and all my family members are kind and helpful, but all I am thinking is leaving Germany again.

I met M’s son N. He is wonderful. When I entered her apartment, he hid behind her. I then hid behind my sister’s back and peeked out and by doing so, I got his first smile. He explained his drawings to me, then I shopped in his toy shop, and he sold veggies to me. He still was somehow shy and reserved. Just a few minutes later on the couch, I threw a pillow at him. That broke the ice. He had a lot of fun, throwing pillows back at me. Now we are best of friends. During dinner, he insisted that I sit next to him. He invited me to his birthday party too. When I left, he gave me one of his drawings as a gift, but added that it would be “a loan”. Despite my deep grief over your passing, I couldn’t help but smile.

About my records: I threw away all state records relating to my search for you while I was still in the USA. I still kept the federal records and emailed Ryan if he wants to have them. If not, I’ll ask Todd to get rid of them. With you no longer alive, maybe they are worthless now.

Thanks also to all members of your family and what they have done for you and me. Officially, I know nothing but thetan basically knows. I wish them all the love and happiness in the world.

I love you, Marty, eternally, with all my heart and all fiber of my being. In a heartbeat, I would have traded countless years of my life or the rest of my life for just a brief life together with you. I am so sorry for any mistake I made during this lifetime for which you possibly had to suffer. I think constantly of you and will do so until SEGNPMSS pulls the plug on me.

And I hope that I have the wisdom and the opportunity to make the right decision for us for what comes next.

One thing is clear: I don’t want any lifetime in which I can’t be married to you. I would do anything to hold you tight in my arms. I adore, cherish and worship you endlessy. You mean more than the entire universe to me, Marty.

Yours for ALL ETERNITY to come,

Sarah/Barbara

I am leaving tomorrow morning

Dearest Marty, my unforgettable soulmate,

How are you?

I am leaving tomorrow morning for Germany. My layover is in Charlotte, just 35 minutes to get on the other plane to Munich. If the plane from KC is delayed, I have to spent the entire day in Charlotte, riddled with ICE and protesters. “Great place and time” to be stuck.

I am anything but happy. I don’t want to leave but have no other options. There was no message or letter or anything by you for me or on your behalf. It seems as we don’t see each other again, but somewhen in the future, in another universe but this hell hole.

I don’t think that I ever can come back to the USA, however. I bet Americans with German-controlled ear-implants will never allow me in. In the moment my plane leaves, that is it.

I will always love you.

Yours,
Sarah/Barbara

P.S.
A few days ago, I sent three parcels containing items my sister wanted to have to her in Germany with UPS. They are stuck in German customs, and the bureaucracy is unbelievable. Rather than simply opening the packages to check that the contents do not violate any laws, they have kept my sister busy for days. They won’t deliver them unless I, as the sender, am back in Germany and registered there. Huh? Right? The contents are photo albums, books, etc., which my sister wanted; nothing of value. The questions they ask are also complete violations of privacy. Has nothing to do with forwarding or inspecting parcels. We might even have to pay rent to customs or UPS Germany for them holding the parcels and not delivering them. I am not in Germany and I already want to leave it so badly, Marty. It is not my kind of country at all.